The Build-A-Bear Lie Of Sleep Training

OK—stay with me here.
 
Remember Build-A-Bear? That magical place where you could design your very own stuffy? As a kid, I was obsessed with the concept. But—truth bomb—we couldn’t afford it. So instead of a personalized plush friend, I slept with a stuffed pig for an uncomfortably long time. And by “uncomfortably long,” I mean I brought that pig into my first adult relationship.
 
(He didn’t survive the trip back from Australia in 2012. RIP, piggy.)
 
Now—why am I telling you this?
 
Because we live in a world where customization is king. You can tailor your shoes, smoothies, skincare… and many parents come to me hoping to do the same with sleep training.
 
And I get it. It should be possible, right? But here’s where I break hearts and ruffle feathers: true designer sleep training doesn’t exist—for everyone.
 
When I talk to new clients, they’ll often say:
“I want to sleep train… but only at bedtime.”
“I want her to fall asleep on her own, but still feed to sleep for naps.”
“I want to hold him for naps, but not at night.”
 
And to that I say: I wish that worked. I really, really do.
 
Because I’d hire that consultant too.
 
But having done this for years—and worked with thousands of families—I can tell you with certainty that this sometimes approach almost always leads to more crying, more confusion, and more frustration. Especially for alert, spirited babies.
 
Let’s talk temperament for a sec.
 
I just finished working with not one but two clients with an almostt identical story—parents who had nailed it with their first babies. They followed all the “gentle” strategies. They read the books. They listened to the anti-sleep training influencers. They did it all “right.”
 
And yet… nothing worked.
 
One was even told by a gentle consultant that something must be wrong with her body or her milk supply. (Spoiler: there wasn’t.)
When we removed feeding to sleep, the baby slept like a dream.
 
Here’s the deal: gentle strategies do work… but mostly for babies with easier temperaments. You know, the unicorns who sleep through anything and are fine with sometimes. The problem is, these unicorn babies perpetuate the myth that no baby needs sleep training.
 
But most of my clients? They’ve already tried the gentle route. They’re already exhausted. And they’re blaming themselves for something that isn’t their fault.
So let me take the blame for a minute and say it straight:
👉🏼 Babies under five don’t understand sometimes.
👉🏼 Most babies, especially the spirited ones, thrive with consistency.
👉🏼 When that consistency isn’t there—they cry. Not because you’re failing, but because they’re confused.
 
It’s not your fault. It’s not your baby’s fault. It’s just biology.
 
This is why I don’t use “no-cry” methods or strategies that swap one sleep association for another. They’re not evidence-based for most babies, and they can lead to unnecessary stress for both of you.
 
So no—I'm not the consultant who will tell you what you want to hear. But I am the one who will tell you what actually works.
 
Where we can customize? We tailor the approach to your baby’s temperament and your tolerance for crying. We adjust for naps on the go, travel schedules, wake windows, and ideal body clocks. But we won’t compromise on the consistency it takes to build independent sleep skills—because that’s what gets results.
 
So if you’ve been trying the “Build-A-Bear” version of sleep training—piecemeal, hoping you could stitch together a dream solution from bits and pieces—and it’s not working? It’s not because you’re doing it wrong.
 
It’s just that your baby needs something different.
 
And we’re here for that.

Whether you’re at the beginning stages of sleep training with your baby or you just want to improve your mental health as a parent, the sleep consultants at Baby’s Best Sleep are here to help.

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