I Could Never...

We Just Got Back From Scotland. It Was Magic.

Pure and simple.

I’ll be honest: I was kind of “meh” about the trip at first. My husband really wanted to go, and since literally 55% of my DNA is Scottish (thanks, Ancestry.com—more on that wild ride another time), I figured, sure. Let’s go.

I wasn’t exactly bouncing off the walls with excitement, but I wasn’t dreading it either. A trip is a trip—and my husband and I always have fun when it’s just us. But—shocker to no one who’s been—I fell completely in love with Scotland. I may or may not have cried when we left.

It’s stunning. Like everywhere. So beautiful, it makes the nearly constant northern rain feel... quaint. The people? Warm, kind, hilarious, and ready to chat at any moment. I was in heaven.

Also: I was away. From my kids. Alone. And I had a few of you slide into my DMs with versions of the same message:
“How are you doing with that?”
Or my personal favourite:
“I could never do that.”

Ah yes.
I could never do that.

A phrase I learned to loathe back in 2014 when I had my first baby and went back to work.

Here’s the context:
I’m a Canadian-trained teacher. In 2008, my husband’s job brought us to Perth, Australia, where I taught full-time, held leadership roles, and loved my career. We returned to Canada in 2012 and I couldn’t get hired anywhere. No one was biting. So, I pivoted—I went back to school for HR, hoping to land in corporate training and development. I landed alright... straight into a soul-sucking HR job I hated.

On a whim, I started applying to private schools and picked up some substitute teaching. I was newly pregnant when I landed a long-term occasional position that wrapped up just before my baby was born. Back in the classroom, loving it... but with nowhere to return post-mat leave.

Then, out of the blue in late July, a school I had applied to pre-baby called me. Their original hire had bailed, and they wanted to interview me—for a dream job. I did the phone interview while sitting on the floor with my 3-month-old. I got the job. We hired a nanny. I went to work. And that year? It was one of the most fulfilling of my entire career. I thrived. My baby thrived. We kicked ass.

But underneath that joy, I was constantly hit with that line:

“I could never do that.”

Once, a staff member I’d never met stopped me in the hallway and said:
“Oh my god, are you the teacher with a four-month-old at home? I could never do that.”

Well, here’s the thing:
Yes. You actually could.

When I took that job, we needed the income. We had bills, a mortgage, and a new tiny human. Was it hard sometimes? Of course. But we were stable. I was emotionally fulfilled. My daughter had a happy mom. We weren’t scrambling or stressed or running on fumes. It was, in fact, the best thing for all of us.

Because it’s never just about the one decision. It’s the systems that decision sets in motion. The domino effect that makes your home feel calm, warm, cohesive—and not like it’s one shriek away from chaos.

Which brings me to the blaring, neon-lit connection to sleep training.

We say this stuff to each other all the time:
“Oh, you’re sleep training? No judgment, but I could never.”
Or the flip side:
“Oh, you co-sleep? I could never.”

YES. YOU. COULD.

Because we’re all out here doing what we need to do to keep our lives—and our sanity—intact. You don’t have to want what I want. But stop acting like your limits are fixed and everyone else is wild for doing things differently.

The best gift you can give your kid isn’t a particular sleep setup or schedule. It’s a whole you. A you that feels steady, strong, and fulfilled. When you’re calm and confident, your child feels it. That’s safety. That’s connection. It’s a felt sense from that child that ‘I’m safe–they’ve got it all covered. ’ Your strong self is a felt warm hug (even when you’re at work or sleep training). 

So whether it’s a sleep plan, a nanny, or a week in the Scottish Highlands with your partner—do whatever you need to feel like you’ve got this.

Because your kids?
They can tell when you do.