Voice Over: (00:00)
You’re listening to the Slumber Party podcast with your host, Amanda Jason, a mom of two girls, a child and infant sleep expert and general sleep lover. If you’re a tired parent who is desperate for answers or just someone who loves sleep, this podcast was created just for you. Each episode is packed full of tips and tricks to help you maintain your sanity as well as your social life during the early stages of Parenthood. So grab your headphones. It’s time to get comfy!
Hey, hello everybody. And welcome to another edition of the slumber party podcast with Amanda Jewson. I am your host, Amanda Jewson. And if you were joining us on YouTube, welcome, once again, I have taken a shower and put on makeup. Unlike the last episode. Well I am doing an impromptu, a topic that didn’t come up in my applications, but it’s actually been coming up a lot in my Instagram. And I thought, you know, I get this question all the time. I haven’t quite tackled it yet on the podcast. I think, especially in these times, as question is going to be, um, really important. And that is all about the transition to daycare, as we move into daycare, uh, you know, especially during COVID times, I’m not sure when you’re listening to this, hopefully by this it’s all over and we’re all just, just socializing so much, but, we’re not, hopefully this’ll help you.
Speaker 1: (01:31)
We’ll talk a little bit about that. COVID anxiety today as well. Um, but we have Freya with us today who messaged me on Instagram and I bullied her to come on to this podcast today. Thank you for joining. Thank you for having me. No problem. So tell me what’s going on. Tell me what’s happening in your situation. So my daughter is 15 months and she just started daycare this week. Um, I also started work this week, so we both had our first day of school. I’m a teacher, um, Tuesday and yeah. So it’s been exciting times being back at school. Yes. Um, um, so, you know, I thought it was a really good thing to prep her for daycare by, you know, a month ago, dropping her down to one nap. Cause daycare only goes one nap. Yup. I don’t know if that was a good idea or not, you know, I’m, you know, a teacher trying to be prepared thinking, you know, give her the time to adjust before she pops into daycare.
Speaker 1: (02:41)
So now we’re in that like over tired, like not napping at daycare, fighting sleep at home, waking up early and it’s just like, everybody’s exhausted. Yeah. Talk to me about the daycare setting. Is it at like a center or is it a home daycare? Yeah, it’s a center. So there’s 11 little friends, uh, from 13 months to 21 months sharing room. Um, and they sleep on cots with like, I’m so surprised I asked, you know, how do you get these tiny little bodies to sleep on cots? And they’re like, they just do. I remember, like before I was a consultant dropping my daughter off at daycare and being like, she won’t do it. There’s not a chance she’s going to do it. I know her. And she just did it, which is wild. Right. Okay. So she’s at a center they’re all in cause or 11 other kids. What time is nap time? Their noon. Yeah. Yeah. So they, they nap from 12 to two. Um, or they stay on their cots at least from 12 to two if they don’t know.
Speaker 1: (04:05)
Okay, great. Um, and uh, how, like, so she’s only been at daycare for what, like four days, five days. Five days. Okay. Okay, good. Okay. So, um, I’m assuming we’re going to talk a lot about daycare and I will answer your question, but like I always warn people. Um, I like to talk about things in a really roundabout way, because for some people they’re only going to be listening to this episode, so I want to give you all of the back stuff to make sure this goes really well. Um, so yeah, a lot of daycares are going to kind of, um, I shouldn’t say a lot, actually. I think D daycares are getting wise to the tuneup thing. Um, but many Dakers are still offering that one nap. So usually, you know, 12 months plus we’re going to have kids, um, transitioning to one nap, uh, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 1: (05:02)
So sometimes before a child is ready, we’re kind of forced to have this situation, right. We’re, we’re kind of forced into this nap before we’re ready, which is, um, not fair. Right. Uh, and I don’t know that. So just on, based on what you told me, I don’t know that your daughter’s not ready for one nap because even if she had been napping for a million years and everything was awesome, that her reaction to daycare right now would still be really normal. So I always tell parents, like, I’ll have clients that I work with at a, you know, four months and then their child is, you know, ready to go to daycare and they’re like, we need to get on the phone. It’s a disaster, let’s book a call. I’m like, okay, well first let’s save your money, give this two weeks. And if it hasn’t rectified, let’s get on the phone again to talk about what else it could possibly be, because daycare is a huge transition.
Speaker 1: (06:01)
Right. So I’m assuming she’s been at home with you the entire time. Right. Has she had any other hasn’t made it? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Um, I’m wonder, has she had any other, uh, um, care caregivers or babysitters before? No, because COVID because COVID because COVID just makes everything a little bit more challenging. So she’s been like extra attached to me. It’s just been us and yeah, I haven’t had it that experience yet. Yeah. And that is so common. So one of the things I try to, um, and you don’t have a chance to do this, or you didn’t have a chance to do it, but you know, if you do have a chance for your child to be exposed to other caregivers, um, it’s great practice of the act of you leaving because the act of you leaving is tough. You know, even if they seem fine at daycare, you leave the actual good Biser okay.
Speaker 1: (07:02)
It’s a lot of new information being in a class, being with 11 other kids, being with two new caregivers, the mental overwhelm of just being in this spot is exhausting. Like I am exhausted thinking about that, to be honest. And so, um, she, she will be as well. Uh, so I think, um, you know, like that’s where I want to get to the point where it could be the nap. It could be like, this is a very normal thing. She has to learn how to sleep on a cot and not jump the hell off of it. You know what I mean? That, that takes a lot of mental energy. Um, I’m sure. To kind of like, well, you know, we’re not talking about back to school, that’s a whole other podcast. Um, if you have a child going back to school or going to school for the first time, I have an episode on that.
Speaker 1: (07:52)
Um, but uh, when kids go to school for the first time, um, they call it like, there’s like a lot of mentally exhaustion because at daycare or at summer camp or at camp, they’re like free, right? Like go run, go play. It’s all play based. And then all of a sudden they’re like, okay, raise your hand. And they’re like, Oh, it’s so hard not to shout. And like, that’s, she’s learning all of those roles in, in daycare. Right. Um, and they do like, this is, uh, I’m kind of jumping everywhere, but I, you know, the overall message I want to give on this episode is that kids tend to do great in daycare. Um, number one, if you tend to have issues with like boundaries or behavior stuff at home, they tend to do great with the daycare providers because they follow there’s like peer pressure.
Speaker 1: (08:45)
They follow what all the other kids are doing. They don’t know who like how this caregiver is going to respond to their big feelings. So they just do what say, and they tend to sleep great eventually. So, um, hopefully that happens for you so well, and it’s so telling like once COVID hit, I was so incredibly packed. Like two, I had to hire two new consultants because I was so busy with toddlers and kids who had been in daycare and who have to come home and who have never napped with their parents. And now they’re like, okay, we ha we have to figure this out because COVID, you need to make my child sleep. So yeah. Get kids tend to do well. It takes about two weeks for them to finally figure out what’s going on to understand that you come back, that their caregivers are safe, um, and to kind of rest up.
Speaker 1: (09:43)
So I would say in the interim with sleep, I would maybe think about an earlier bedtime for her. Um, maybe even by a half an hour, um, if that’s possible, I know with like work, it’s not always possible. So I understand that. Um, but yeah, so you want to think maybe about offering ways that she can make up that sleep now for, um, everyone else, when we’re thinking about this exhaustion, uh, some of the things that can happen as a result of that exhaustion or that your child has increased night, wakings has trouble going down. Um, doesn’t want to sleep in the afternoon. These are all really common, um, responses to daycare because they are feeling that, that, that separation, right. And so they don’t, they understand that you go and you leaving their room to, to leave for, you know, bedtime is a replication of that daycare situation for them.
Speaker 1: (10:47)
So understand what they’re going for, honor it and set a loving boundary. The thing that I always want to remind parents of at this time is the more things can look the same pre daycare, the better is going to be for your child’s. So we like COVID, I mean, I spent the last three minutes talking about COVID and kids and sleep, but, um, our tendency in these changes, whether it’s daycare, transitions, moves, um, you know, maybe a divorce or a death in the family is to overindulge the child and be like, Oh, everything’s different. Let, let me do whatever you need, because you’re really sad. Um, and not to say that we shouldn’t give them extra love and physical attention during these times. Yes, we absolutely should need to. Um, but we have to be careful about switching up routines. The more that we switch up routines, the more that can actually play a part in the anxiety of the child.
Speaker 1: (11:48)
Oh my God. Things are changing at daycare and now they’re changing at home. So just because a child pushes back doesn’t mean we need to relent or change that boundary for them. Okay. So where you can and when you can at home, keep your routines similar at home. Okay. Keep things looking the same. Do you know the same book before bed for a few days, do a really tight bedtime routine, like continue to like hit all of those points for your child. So they’re feeling really comfortable. Um, they’re going to be mad about it. They’ll stop being mad again when they experience that consistency, that safety, okay. Mom comes back. This is all normal. This is okay.
Speaker 1: (12:35)
Does that sound doable? Yeah. So, so how do you deal with the like perpetual vicious cycle of over tiredness? Because, you know, I do know to like put her to bed earlier to make up that loss sleep. And I’ve been putting her in her crib at like six 30 and, you know, we only get home from picking her up from daycare, you know, just after four. And so we have a short amount of time to have dinner and hang out, spend, spend some time together. And you know, I put her down at six 30 and she’s, she’s like doing laps with the crib she’s up, down all around. Yeah. Until like eight o’clock. And so your kid is, is like hanging out for an hour and a half and then waking up at like five 30. How long? Not that’s not. Okay.
Speaker 1: (13:33)
Um, how is she sleeping at all at daycare? No. Well, they said, they said the other day, like 15 minutes. They’re like, okay. And then the other day was maybe 30 minutes. Okay. She’s getting there. So, you know, I really think I would, I think this is something that will get better when she learns that, like, just like, get you at home. She’s gonna learn the daycare. Isn’t going to relent. Those women are like, ah, this is my break. You will sleep. Nothing will change. And then she’ll be like, okay, fine. I’ll go to sleep. So she will eventually do it. I think again, that’s a matter of time. Um, but I think, yeah, if she’s not napping or just not being like 15, 30 minutes, you kinda need to insist on that earlier bedtime. Um, I would also make sure that you have something visual in her room.
Speaker 1: (14:30)
So I like the hatch baby rest. So like, if she’s up at five 30, she can like hang out in her crib. Hopefully until six, you can turn on the hatch baby rest with your phone. So maybe it’s like your it’s a white noise machine. It’s a nightlight and it’s an okay to wait clock. So the cool thing about it is you can start training her to know that you don’t go in her room until the, uh, a certain light color comes on and kids that young, they’re not, it’s not going to be this like perfect thing. But like my girls shared a room from a very young age. And when our light went on to, to signal to my older girl, my 15 month old would be like, yay. So she was getting it. She knew that I was coming in. So, um, you can start implementing that now, but I feel like this is going to be a matter of time before it gets better. Like she’s going to start napping at daycare, give it another whole week. And then you know, this weekend, you know, you have the opportunity for her to catch up on a little bit of sleep, doing some naps at home. Um, she’s going to go to daycare, really rested. They’re going to do all the things again, trust that it, it does get better. It does. I promise.
Speaker 1: (15:50)
All right. She’s like, okay. Now for those of you who, um, you know, one of the things I always tell my, my clients before a transition to daycare is get on the phone with your daycare provider before. And even before you’re making your selection, have a chat with them about sleep. Um, you know, at 15 months, I think it’s okay to be on one nap. Mostly now there’s a lot of kids that would just do great on two naps. Um, the reality is you don’t have that option. Um, it, for those of you who do want that option, there are daycare providers that do do two naps or like stick to your nap schedule. I think if that’s important to you, that can be something you look and ask before choosing a daycare provider. You also need to make sure that they’re not accidentally helping your child’s asleep because this I’ve seen this happen where, because these wonder women sent from heaven, God, themselves who work at daycares all day with our toddlers, they that’s usually when your daycare has their break, right?
Speaker 1: (16:56)
Like they will, they will switch out the break time and they need that break and they required that break. So if your child isn’t sleeping, um, they’re going to do whatever it takes to make sure that they get that break. And so that might include a little bit of rocking patting shushing. Um, most daycare providers I have to say are pretty good about not doing that because they don’t want to have to keep doing it. And they don’t want you to be annoyed, but have that child have had that conversation with them before you are selecting your daycare or before they show up about what your wishes are, uh, regarding that. Um, cause I think discussing your routines and wishes are really important. Um, they’re paramount in that. I doubt that that’s happening here, but, uh, I had a client once who this little guy was such a tough cookie.
Speaker 1: (17:48)
He had a lot of like spirit in him and he had a lot of feelings of things and we, we, he finally was sleeping and it was amazing. And mom went back to work and six months later she called me and apparently the daycare provider was sitting beside his crib, like shaking the crib gently for him to fall asleep and for him to connect sleep cycles. And she was like, because things said, like dismantled. So crazily at home that finally she went to the daycare and was like, Hey, is there anything going on? Like, are you doing anything? They’re like, well, we’re just shaking his crib like a few times. And she’s like, Oh my God. So, you know, if you are in daycare and that happens, it is worth an ask.
Speaker 2: (18:36)
Speaker 1: (18:37)
Yeah. It, you know, expect changes, expect this like clean overtired overstimulated behavior because that’s, that’s normal. That’s exactly what they are and that’s okay. Um, again, it’ll pass don’t panic. Um, the big thing about that is also to acknowledge your own feelings about daycare and maybe some of those feelings that are coming up for you. And those are all normal feelings. You know, like I remember for the first week of daycare, I didn’t have work, but I wanted extra time for her to get adjusted before I did have to go to work and then I would drop her off and I’d feel so bad cause I’m like, I’m not at work and she’s at daycare and I’m the da. And you know, then, you know, because we’re human, we accidentally communicate and, and project that to our kids, you know? Um, so I think in order to avoid that, it’s important to kind of sit down and be like, okay, how do I feel about this? Can I like journal it? Or at the very, uh, you know, the very best thing that you can do is just be aware of it when you’re talking to your child about daycare. Don’t apologize. Don’t say, sorry, because you’re in, you’re indicating that something is wrong, that you’re doing something wrong, that there is something bad that you’re doing to them. So keep it positive. Uh, let the teachers kinda take over there. They really know what they’re doing. How are you feeling about daycare?
Speaker 1: (20:09)
Oh, it’s a whole like mixed bag of emotions, you know? Yeah. Um, I was really excited for her to go to daycare. I thought, you know, like as a teacher myself, I know how important it is for kids to socialize and be together and learn from each other. Um, so I was really excited for her to have that experience because especially because of, COVID not really getting that. Yeah. You’re like, these are other kids look, you can play. Yeah. Um, and I was excited for myself to have some, some sort of time to myself, even if I am working, um, to kind of be my own person. Um, but then there’s like, like you said, there’s also that guilt of like dropping them off and they’re like, Oh, well they’re sad. Or like, they’re not happy. And you know, how did I choose the right daycare?
Speaker 1: (21:02)
Did I make the right choice? And like, you know, at the end of the day, I know kids are resilient and they’ll push through and they’ll have a great time. But yeah, there’s always that, that mom guilt, you know, that just sneaks right in. I feel like I like my job is basically like trying to eliminate mom guilt from moms. And then last year, um, we did like a little preschool program in the morning for my youngest daughter who like my, my husband travels a lot for work. So when she was born, we had a nanny. So she was used to her, you know, caregiving experience would be one on one, like very, you know, at home, at our own place. So she went to this place and like the first, it was fine. Then the second day she just lost it. And every single day and every single day I’m leaving, I am sobbing. I’m like parent passing parents in the hallway, like, okay. But it pulls at your heartstrings. And then, you know, the next week she’s asking to go, I want to, I remember her being like, I would like to go cause they have better farm toys. I was like, great. Go and play with those farm toys.
Speaker 1: (22:21)
Exactly, exactly. And you know, we are talking about a transition to daycare. If you do have a chance to start early and start at a time when you don’t really have a lot going on, that’s also going to be helpful. So if you have an option, like I, uh, I started a week before I went back just in case there was, you know, blips. Right. So, um, start early, get a good transition. So you can get into a routine before you have to go do your things. Um, and then, uh, you want to make sure that, um, Oh, I lost my train of thought there. Um, starting early, do not, Oh yeah. Talk to your kid. Thank you. While you are asserting early, have lots of conversations with your kids about what’s happening. You’re it doesn’t matter how old they are. They get it. And I always believe I tell my parents, they think I’m crazy. Talk to your child about what’s happening. Talk to your child about what’s coming up next, you know, in terms of sleep training, tell your child I’m leaving. But if you need me, I’m going to come back. If you are doing daycare, I’m going to leave for the whole day. You’re going to play. This is what you’re going to do. And I come back at the end. So I think it does. They totally get it. They get your intention, keep having that conversation. Um, and things should go pretty, pretty smoothly for you.
Speaker 1: (23:51)
So what, what should I do? Cause I, I haven’t really run into this before, when, when we did sleep training, you know, we did it and then she was pretty good. You know, she’d wake up, I’d leave her and she’d go back to sleep. But this week she’s like, she’s waking up. And she is livid when she’s waking up in the middle of the night, like crying. And it shakes me from my sleep that I panic. I’m like, Oh my gosh, like I have to go to her now. Like what is happening? Yeah. Um, so obviously, you know, I’m like breaking the sleep training rules there. I walk in and it’s just like, I choose just awake. Like nothing’s wrong? Like yeah. Are diapers fine? Like, should I be going to her? And like reassuring her that like, yeah, I’m okay. You’re, you’re starting. You’re okay.
Speaker 1: (24:34)
I’m here. Or should I be leaving her and letting her work it out? Where do we draw the line? That’s a great question. I get that question a lot. I think in these instances where it’s so unusual and so intense, I think it’s always a good idea to go in and check and make sure that things are okay and make sure, you know, nothing is, is up or wrong. And, and, you know, once you’ve, you know, checked, reassured, talked to her that has value by the way, you know, you’ll heal. Hear people will be like, don’t go in. It makes it worse. Okay. Yeah. If you’re going in and buy contacts, it’s like crazy. It’s crazy. They’re humans. You can do all of that and you can touch them too, by the way. It’s just, let’s let, let, let’s be very levelheaded. Right? So you say like, Hey, I know that you’re going through a hard time right now.
Speaker 1: (25:28)
Um, I’m, I’m here to check on you and let you know that you’re okay. Their subconscious is taking that all in and saying, Oh, we’re safe. Look on my parent is here. Um, they’re coming to check on me and loves me. And then you might want to say, okay, I’m leaving. If you need me, I’m going to come back. So they might have some feelings, but that you’ve gone in. You feel better because you know that she’s okay. She feels better because you just came in and that you’re still there. She just wants to check. And then I don’t see just necessarily helping them to sleep, like sitting with them or padding them until they sleep. But just lay it out. I’m leaving. Seems like you’re okay. You might have some feelings about that, but if you need me, I’m going to come back and then you just do that. Oh, I still see that you’re having those feelings. I I’m just outside and I’m going to sleep in my bed. If you need me, I can come back and then you can continue to check on her and it’ll pass it. Won’t be your life. Like going into reassure your child is not asleep association. That is parenting it’s okay. You can do that.
Speaker 1: (26:35)
Yeah. And like reassuring being like, you know, leave her in the crib. No, don’t pick her up and hold her or pick her up. Like when my kids were having a fit or they were sick or like something was off the first time for sure. I’m just, Hey buddy. You’re okay. I love you. Okay. All right. So I’m going to put you down now. They’re going to be mad that you put them down, but that’s like that behavior side, that’s a feeling, but what I’m looking for is telling that unconscious brain that they’re okay. Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay. And that has value, you know? Um, so I think it’s okay. Now, if you were constantly picking them up and it seems like it’s prolonging the process or prolonging protests, then maybe you don’t do it the next time. Maybe you do it every three times, you know? Um, but I think it’s always okay to start off that way.
Speaker 1: (27:28)
Okay. Thank you. No problem. This is a great question. Yeah. So it sounds like it’s a lot of like change and potential like separation anxiety as well. Yeah, it is. Yep. And it’s super common. And especially given the fact that just due to circumstances, you weren’t able to have a lot of caregivers. She’s probably not seen a lot of kids in several months. Um, it’s going to be, well, it’s going to be a huge change for all of our kids. If you are choosing to send your kids back to school, it’s going to be a lot of stimulation. These kids have been at home in like loving, caring environment with people who love them the most treating them the absolute best. And then they’re going to go to school and someone’s going to take away their toys like Solat. Yeah. All right. Well, this is amazing. You this thank you for writing me on Instagram. You’ve helped a ton of parents. We’re going to get this episode as soon as possible. Um, don’t forget to like subscribe, review this podcast. If you’re watching me on YouTube, please leave me a comment or a question that you have of anything that we talk about. I would love to keep this conversation going. Um, have a great day. Everyone drink water, go to sleep early and um, be nice. Okay. Bye everyone. Thank you.